Superherosplaining

Full disclosure: I’m writing this on my abbreviated lunch hour and I’m kind of annoyed, so I may not use my words at their best. Carry on.

Second full disclosure – I am not a comic book person. I am nominally a comic book movie person when the movie combines writers/directors/actors I like and seems to produce a story that looks interesting to me. I’ve seen maybe… half (?) of the MCU franchise films. Hard to say because I don’t know how many there have been so far off the top of my head, but hey, I know what “MCU” means! I have like, one toe in the club, right?

So I feel okay talking about this off-message PR tour for “The Avengers: Age of Ultron” from the perspective of someone who’s outside enough not to have opinions about whether, say, Iron Man’s characterization is consistent with a previous storyline. I don’t know if the cast is ill-prepared or just really tired after approximately 47 MCU films in a row, but it seems that the press tour has gone off the rails a bit. Unless a debate about when it’s okay to call someone a “whore” was among the talking points for a billion-dollar family-friendly franchise… which I doubt.

Since I brought him up, let’s start with Mr. Renner. The actor I used to jokingly call Movie Boyfriend. (Emphasis on “used to.”) A week or so ago Renner and Captain America did an interview where they were asked about Black Widow, who has been romantically linked to both of their characters, and apparently now to Hulk in AoU. They both joked that Black Widow was a “slut”and a “whore,” and then Renner went on to say something about Black Widow having a prosthetic leg (Huh?).

The actors rightfully got a lot of criticism on social media for their comments, and immediately issued apologies. Well, one of them did anyway. Chris Evans’ statement was perfect – a succinct “I screwed up and I’m sorry” apology that ended the story. (Takeaway: Everyone should be more like Chris Evans.) Renner……. Yeah, he needs new people. Because “I am sorry that this tasteless joke about a fictional character offended anyone. It was not meant to be serious in any way. Just poking fun during an exhausting and tedious press tour” is a BS attempt at actual contrition and everyone who read it knows that he is not at all sorry.

AND THEN he doubled down on Conan this week, first whining about getting into “internet trouble” and then saying “Mind you, we are talking about a fictional character and fictional behavior, Conan, but if you slept with four of the six Avengers, no matter how much fun you had, you’d be a slut. Just saying. I’d be a slut. Just saying.”

Okay, Jeremy? Shut up. No, no – you don’t need to reply. Just stop talking. You look like an ass. Just saying.

The issue is not one person’s off-the-cuff stupid comment. The issue sure as hell isn’t that he said it about a fictional character. The issue is that actual real-life non-fictional women get this BS thrown in our faces EVERY DAY. Renner’s remarks are basically Why I Don’t Go to Bars Anymore Bingo:

-          You like men, therefore you are a slut.

-          Oh, you don’t want to have sex with me? Fuck you, you’re ugly anyway.

-          What, can’t you take a joke?

-          I mean, I would call a dude a slut, too…….. (except that I don’t.)

Part of the reason this bugs me so much is that Jeremy Renner has always seemed like a thoughtful guy who respects the women in his life. So for that guy to so deeply not get why what he said was hurtful, to the point where he’s eye-rolling fans like me on national television, feels like a betrayal.

Hold on, I need to go back to that “prosthetic leg” thing. I think that might bug me more than the slut/whore thing. That was… really, really awful. Maybe if, the day the Interview Where Stupid Things Were Said had come out, I hadn’t just been reading about the Boston Marathon bombing trial, which included testimony from women my age who are now missing legs and who are coping with life-altering change in their perception of self……. Nope, it would still be really, really awful, regardless.

I must’ve been madder at Jeremy Renner than I thought, because what I really started to write about was Joss Whedon quitting Twitter.  The AoU writer/director took down his profile a few days ago. There was a lot of speculation that he’d been driven away bysocial media criticism of the movie, including the depiction of Black Widow and the merchandising – which largely leaves out the female characters (and over which Whedon has no control btw). Yesterday Whedon told Buzzfeed that he just needed a Twitter break to focus on work. Cool. But then Whedon said this:

“Believe me, I have been attacked by militant feminists since I got on Twitter. That’s something I’m used to. Every breed of feminism is attacking every other breed, and every subsection of liberalism is always busy attacking another subsection of liberalism, because god forbid they should all band together and actually fight for the cause.”

Um. No.

First things first, Joss Whedon is awesome. He’s a role model for writers who want to develop interesting female characters. He’s one of the good guys. And since he’s one of the good guys, I hold him to a higher standard than I would, say, Mike Huckabee. What a lot of male feminist allies don’t seem to get is that being an ally doesn’t make you immune from criticism. If anything, it opens you to more because you’ve basically raised your hand and said “Feminists! You’re awesome! How can I help?” You can’t do that and then get mad when we tell you.

So, a few things – I need to know what Joss means when he says “militant.” Individual women tweeting snark at you is not militancy. And the other thing is – he’s not wrong about people in the same camp picking each other apart. The problem is that what looks like nitpicking when you’re the one being nitpicked is actually how you educate the others under your particular big tent to check their own privilege and be more inclusive of other points of view. And I WISH I could get across to men how rage-inducing it is to be told that the thing you’re concerned about is not worth anyone’s attention because of Other More Pressing Issues, Little Lady. Kind of like with the Bar Bingo above, women get this ALL THE TIME, and we are really tired of constantly having our concerns be brushed aside because a dude doesn’t feel like addressing it.

Guys? Sometimes you just need to stop talking. Sometimes it’s not about you. If enough people are criticizing something you said or did that you notice, and if those people are all saying the same thing, that’s when you need to take a pause and just listen. It’s okay if you don’t completely understand WHY what you said/did was problematic, as long as you acknowledge that it was. Don’t lash out at the mean Internet people, don’t mansplain to me why I’m wrong. Just listen. You might actually learn something.