Ok, this is BS: NASCAR fines two “star” drivers for the nebulous offense of running down The Body, but we’re not allowed to know who. Sure, it’s perfectly legal. NASCAR is a private membership club, after all. But it’s also a private membership club with a multi-million dollar TV contract that expects me as a fan to devote my time and money to following it. So, I don’t feel out of place wanting to know which drivers were fined for speaking their minds.
It’s times like this when I’m reminded of the question in my nephew’s boxed set of dinnertime conversation starters, something to the effect of “what would you do if you won the lottery?” For the purposes of this question, I’m assuming I win an absolute shit ton. Of course I’d do all of the things most of us would do – paying off mortgages, creating a charitable foundation, etc. But, in my fantasy, I have tens of millions left over to start my very own stock car racing league: Sara’s Association of Super Stock Car Auto Racing, or, SASSCAR.
My rules are simple. We only race at tracks that I can drive to in one day from my home in Winston-Salem, or that I otherwise deem awesome – Bristol, Martinsville, North Wilkesboro, Rockingham, Indy, Talladega, Charlotte, Darlington, Daytona and, just for the hell of it, Bowman Gray. There will be dirt tracks. There will be open qualifying – no guarantees. There will also be a $5 million purse for the winner of each race. (I told you, I won a shit ton.) I don’t particularly care if it’s on TV. Tickets max out at $40.
My only restriction? Drivers can’t have major team backing. You build that car yourself or with people you know, or you don’t drive. Okay, one more rule – I don’t want anybody to get hurt, so you have to wear a fire suit, full helmet and HANS device. But, after that, anything goes.
I will also personally pay off anyone who wrecks either Kyle Busch or Jimmie Johnson on the last lap, but that’s off the record.
C’mon… tell me you wouldn’t go for this.
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