Sports madness

I'm going to pull a mini-Peter King here and just ramble about a few sports stories that are totally unrelated except for the fact that they happen to be on my mind...

- Went to the Panthers game yesterday, where my boys mercifully ended a 377-day at-home losing streak. (Yes, I know, they technically weren't playing at home most of those days, but there's nothing like the phrase "377-day at-home losing streak" to properly evoke the feelings of utter frustration and futility we fans have been feeling for some time now.) I met with some friends before the game, and we came to the consensus that, this week, we should chant "We want MATT!" since apparently the previous week's chant, "We want Moore!", was too confusing for the homonym-challenged David Carr.

Speaking of merciful...with Vinny Testaverde's old man spine back in good health, Carr is once again firmly where he belongs - on the bench. Do you know who David Carr reminds me of? Me - in middle school, in every PE class where I was forced to play softball. Each time I stepped up to the plate, I was praying only for the three strikes to come quickly so I could get back to the dugout where my book was waiting. That's Carr. He just doesn't look like a guy who wants to be out there on the field.

As terrible as the Panthers' offense has been this year, there are a couple of bright spots: 1) As promised, new defensive coordinator Jeff Davidson has done a fair job rediscovering the tight end position, which I'm not sure Dan Henning knew existed. This season has seen TD passes to my current crush Jeff King, Christian Fauria and, on Sunday, Dante Rosario; and, 2) by the time next season rolls around, Steve Smith should be nice and pissed off and ready to put up a 2,000-yard year.


- Guilford's men's basketball team was picked to win the ODAC conference, and they may very well do so. But as good as the men's team is, the women's basketball team might be the conference's sleeper. I saw them play for the third time tonight, and I'm deeply impressed. At this point my personal stand-outs are junior Tracey Croner, who put up 24 points tonight, sophomore Ann Seufer, whose name the announcer just to say after she drains yet another 3-pointer ("Annnn...SEUFER!") and junior Shevon Hackett, whom I dubbed "The Coach" for her non-stop, unabashedly vocal support and instructions for the rest of the team - I swear, she talks the whole time; I LOVE that.

The only downside for me tonight was that the team the Quakers beat 92-68 was my own Salem College Spirits, who showed enough fight to make me wonder what they could've done if they'd had more than eight players (one of the hazards of small-college life.)

The Quakers open the spring schedule at home against my basketball nemesis, Emory & Henry. I'm predicting a bloodbath, because it makes me feel good to think about it.

(While we're on the subject, I love that I see so many of Guilford's athletes in other sports at the games. I'm a little jaded, having had to put up with so many, say, football players, who think their team is the only one that really matters. I'm impressed by the support, especially of the women's team.)


- Looks like Tim Duncan will be okay. Whew. Tim Duncan may be the sole reason I follow the NBA, and is definitely the only reason I like the Spurs. Yes, the Spurs play 10 states away, but I'm allowed to pull for them according to Sports Guy's Rules for Being a Sports Fan, Rule 19-d:

"You follow your favorite college star (and this has to be a once-in-a-generation favorite college star) to the pros and root for his team du jour ... like if you were a UNC fan for the past 20 years, and you rooted for the Bulls (because of MJ) and then the Raptors (because of Vince). Only works if there isn't a pro team in your area."

(But what about the Charlotte Bobcats?, you say. Doesn't Rule #18 state that, if your area fields a pro sports team, you're obligated to pull for that team? I would respond with the corollary of Rule #19-e: said team's owner betrays the fans, therefore fans are released from obligation. Also, I'm not sure if the Bobcats count as a pro team.)


- Am I the only one who thinks that college football overtime rules are crap? What is this, kindergarten? Get the ball, score, or don't get the ball and keep the other team from scoring. Screw this "both teams must have the chance to score" BS. (Especially from the 25-yard line - WTF??? I could score from there.) Reason number 197 why college football exists solely to give middle-aged men something to argue about while looking down on their "Grey's Anatomy"-loving wives.

Me, I don't watch "Grey's Anatomy," for the same reason I don't watch college football. If I want soap, I take a shower.


And to further extend the Peter King-ness, here's my annoying/aggravating travel comment of the week:

It took me for frickin' EVER to get to Charlotte yesterday. I kept getting stuck behind drivers who were apparently unfamiliar with the "slower traffic keep right" concept. I can't tell you how many - it seemed like every quarter-mile or so I'd run into yet another traffic snarl caused not by a wreck, but by some idiot doing five or 10 under the speed limit in the passing lane. Folks, there's a reason it's called the "passing lane"! And while I hate to pass on the right, if I have enough time to get around you in the right lane, that should probably indicate to you that, um, that's where you should be - with the other slow-pokes. I don't care if you're doing 80 - if the car behind you is doing 85, get the hell out of its way.