Tastes like chicken...?

Being as how I've never lived anywhere but where I live now, lots of nation-wide advertisements puzzle me (e.g. what the heck is "Carl's Jr.?" Why can't they just call it Hardee's as God intended?). But when McDonald's rolled out its new campaign promoting the revolutionary idea that one could eat chicken for breakfast, I figured I'd had enough. I've been able to order a chicken biscuit at Mickey D's for as long as I can remember - Hardee's, Bojangles and Biscuitville, too, for that matter. Is this not the case for the rest of the country? Good heavens, and they call us the ignorant ones!

Apparently McDonald's "new" chicken biscuit is meant to compete with Chik-Fil-A's. Now, I can't eat at Chik-fil-A because they cook in peanut oil, so apparently I missed the fact that they also doctor their chicken biscuits in pickle juice. Okay, can I say something here? I've lived in the South my entire life, and I have never, not once, EVER seen anybody put pickles on fried chicken. And we're a people that will, generally speaking, fry anything and put pickles on anything, so that's saying something.

So, a few weeks ago, I forgot to eat breakfast two days in a row. This is huge for me - I NEVER forget to eat. There have been times when I forgot that I ate, but for me to skip a meal usually involves unconsciousness. Seriously, I eat when I have a stomach bug. Anyway, I didn't realize that I'd forgotten to eat until I was almost to work, well past the Biscuitville in Kernersville. So I stopped at the McDonald's around the corner from my office and got the chicken biscuit that - just to reiterate - I've been eating since McD's opened a franchise in my town my sophomore year in high school.

Yes, it tasted like pickles. Yes, I ate it anyway, even though I hate pickles (unless they're kosher, in which case I will steal them off of your plate). Yes, I assumed that this particular McDonald's was just sloppy, or weird or something. But then last weekend when I was visiting my parents, the same thing happened. Pickle chicken. Yeccccch.

What is McDonald's thinking? They sell one kind of chicken biscuit for years, and then inexplicably switch to some freaky pickle-chicken in order to poach market share from some Chik-Fil-A in Manhattan or some sh*t. And the kicker - they market this as the "Southern Fried Chicken Biscuit" - never mind the fact that actual, real-live Southerners - we exist, believe it or not - have been perfectly happy eating non-pickle-chicken for decades.

F*ck you, McDonald's. Thank goodness I still have Bojangles.