Praise the Lord and pass the Guinness

Okay, I'm not Irish and I'm not Catholic, so I've never really felt obligated to observe St. Patrick's Day. I guess you could say I was radicalized back in the third grade when my heretofore beloved teacher berated a boy in my class because he forgot to wear green, saying he was only trying to get attention (she cut a shamrock out of green paper and forced him to wear it all day). And then there's the pinching if you don't conform. Yeah, that's really not the way to get me into something.

It only got worse about six years ago, when my friends and I innocently went for dinner and drinks at our usual Friday restaurant, the Celtic Cafe, on -oops!- March 17, only to be turned away because of the hordes of yuppie leprechaun fetishists who only show up there once a year. I actually heard a woman that night bragging about all her Irish relatives, and it was really sad because they were all, like "my great-grandmother's sister's first husband" and such.

As someone whose highly personal religious and cultural traditions are co-opted by the entire city of Winston-Salem every Christmas, I just really don't want to be a part of bandwagonning someone else's holiday.

So I thought this was interesting. U.S. Catholics are a bit conflicted, since St. Patrick's Day falls on the Monday of Holy Week. The issue seems to be that the church doesn't want to celebrate masses for saints during that week. Doesn't seem like a problem to me (isn't more church a good thing?), but like I said, I'm not Catholic, so what do I know?

Some areas are scheduling their St. Patty's parades on the day as normal - party on a Monday, woo-hoo! - and others are backing them up to the Friday before (which is when most people are going to "celebrate" - read: drink - anyhow). It's kind of funny to me that, according to this, the U.S. is the only place where St. Patty's still has any sort of religious emphasis. In Ireland, it's just another day off - one man likened it to Super Bowl Sunday.

One thing I thought was pretty funny, though...

In New York and Boston, with legendary St. Patrick's events planned by the cities' large Irish communities, bishops are taking a hands-off approach, saying the church has no part in planning civic celebrations.

And then, two paragraphs later:

Other public dustups over St. Patrick's Day have erupted in past years, including a protracted fight between gay Irish groups and city leaders in New York and Boston over the right to march in the parades, which the Catholic Church has steadfastly opposed.

But wait...I thought you just said the Church had nothing to do with planning civic events...? You're not full of sh*t, are you, Mr. Bishop Man? Surely not...

And, before we go...My favorite "why I should care about St. Patty's?" excuse came from this guy I knew a few years back. He blew off my whole bastardization of culture argument, saying, "Who cares? It's an excuse to drink." Okay, a) thank you for proving my point, and b) um, excuse to drink? EXCUSE to DRINK??? Why don't you just wear a screaming neon T-shirt that reads "Dude, I am SO not Irish!" for crying out loud? Excuse to drink, sheesh.