Close Encounters of the Hillary Kind

As I mentioned in my last post, I got to attend both Obama and Clinton rallies last week. One was intentional, one wasn't. Both were thrown together in a matter of hours, largely organized by volunteers, trying to get in under the wire - North Carolina's May 6 primary.

At the Obama rally, I really was just one of a few thousand attendees. Since Clinton spoke on the campus of the college where I work, I got a much better seat to that rally (and a press pass that I will keep forever)...ironic, since I'm not a Clinton supporter. But, my non-support allowed me to view the proceedings with a great deal more objectivity than I would have had otherwise.

My boss told me at about 5 p.m. Wednesday that the Clinton campaign had approached Guilford about holding an event in our gym. We got the confirmation Thursday morning, but that was it. Just, this is happening at this time - no other details. By the way, our commencement is this Saturday, and the Friday of Clinton's visit was the first day of exams. As impressed as I am at the Clinton people and their ability to schedule events on the fly, let's not forget that they do this every day. I'd like to pause for a moment to recognize Guilford's staff, who pulled this together literally at a moment's notice. Everything worked, no snafus and, best of all (from my perspective), no streakers!

So let's focus on the event itself. The single coolest moment of the day, if you ask me, was that random time before lunch when our staff was just kind of walking through, making sure the press had a place to park, etc., and the sound guys asked me to do Hillary's sound-check. Yep. I happened to be the only woman in the gym at that point, so it was me who got to go up on the stage and blow into the mic.

If you know me, you know that I have zero problem talking under pretty much any circumstances. But for some reason, broadcast-like machinery leaves me flummoxed (which is why I didn't go into TV). I feel like a dumbass standing up there saying "check....check...." and I never know how high to appropriately count. So after a few moments of me stuttering, the main sound guy says, "Tell me yur plan for America." Now all kinds of things are popping into my head, none of which I can say because the Hillary campaign people are milling about, and they probably don't have much of a sense of humor at this point. So, I say, "My plan for America? If John McCain wins, I'm moving to Mexico, 'cause I won't be able to afford to live here anymore." This gets a big laugh. Also, the sound guys love me because the timbre of my voice, apparently, is similar to Hillary's. I still can't decide how I feel about this.

Fast-forwarding a bit...they actually ended up holding the door-opening for bit in the hopes that more people would show up. Attendance was pretty light...That's no reflection on Hillary. It's just that a) the event was in the middle of an 80-degree Friday afternoon, b) people only had 24 hours notice and c) everyone in this area who wants to see Hillary has had ample opportunity. Seriously. That same afternoon, Chelsea Clinton was scheduled to appear at Salem College (my alma mater!), after already appearing at the Young Dems convention. Hillary herself spoke again in High Point, not 20 minutes away, over the weekend. And I think Bill's still going door-to-door in my neighborhood. We're a bit saturated.

Just before Hillary's arrival, a staffer informs the local press (including me) that we'll be allowed in the "buffer zone" for a few minutes (whatever that is.) It turns out that the buffer zone is the area right in front of the stage. And that's how I find myself kneeling on the floor looking up the blue pants-suit of a woman I've only ever seen on TV, and only expected to see, ever, from hundreds of feet away.

And you know something? When I saw Chelsea back in March, I was so struck by not just her poise and intellect, but her physical beauty. And I can honestly say she gets it from her mother. I know it's fashionable to paint Hillary as this ball-crunching harpy. But - I swear to you - she's one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. She just glows. When she walked out on that stage, my jaw dropped. There's this strange sensation when you see someone famous in person for the first time, when you start noticing that he/she's short, flabby, etc. Hillary looks just as I imagined her, and so much more.

Part of it is this amazing presence, without which, of course, no one survives in politics. And she's nothing if not a political animal. Like her husband, Hillary could convince you that the sky isn't blue. She could sell ice cubes to Eskimos, as the saying goes. But that's my problem...this isn't a high school debate society. I don't care how sound an argument one can make. Hell, I'm a Gemini, that ability doesn't impress me.

For instance, at one point in her remarks, Hillary said (paraphrasing here) that, if Henry Ford were to pop open the hood of a modern car, he'd see basically the same engine he built 100 years ago, that in fact the Model T got better gas mileage than modern SUVs (Maybe because the Model T weighed less than my laptop? Maybe 'cause drivers back then weren't competing for oil with a billion Chinese people?). That's my issue with Hillary. She can't just make a valid point about how fuel economy standards need to improve. She's got to go 50 miles past the point to some completely unnecessary rhetorical mirage that makes her look like she's oversimplifying at best, lying at worst. Engines haven't changed in 100 years? Great, now every greasemonkey who drives a fuel-injected, non-carburated Saturn (e.g., Me) thinks you're a fraking idiot. Or that you're just lying. Neither is good.

I know she's an intelligent woman, so I can only conclude that she doesn't think I'm capable of nuanced reasoning. And, call me crazy, but that kinda pisses me off. I want my president to trust me to understand the fine print. (And I really want my president to understand how her car works...but I'm a redneck, so that might just be me.) Later in her speech, Hillary talked about the need to make college more affordable. (Downloading college-location talking-points now...) And she mentioned various people she's met who are paying astronomical interest rates on their student loans - 20, 30 percent - citing them as evidence. Once again, WAY overstating the problem. I'm sorry, if you're paying 30 percent interest on a student loan, it's because you f*cked up. I don't even carry 30 percent on that credit card I can never seem to pay on time. Some unsophisticated borrower bit on a loan-consolidation scam, and yes, that sucks. But don't drag the feds into this.

She's taking the most extreme example and casting it as the norm. This reminds me of a class I took my first year in college, back when I was still pre-law, about how to (and how not to) argue. As part of one debate, I argued in favor of legalizing hemp crops in the U.S. In my inexperience, I thought that it would be to my advantage to downplay the relationship between hemp and marijuana. One of my classmates called me on it, saying, basically, that my argument seemed too good to be true, that he wondered what I was leaving out. That's the danger of Hillary's style of debating. By oversimplifying and sugar-coating the facts, she leaves our platform too open to attack.

Also, can I just say that her speech last night from Indiana scared the crap out of me? Look, Hillary, getting killed in one state and winning another by less than 40,000 votes is not a victory. And the fact that you could stand up there and pretend that it is reminded me painfully of "Mission Accomplished" banners and "I don't think anyone anticipated the breech of the levees." I've had eight years of this Orwellian BS, and I don't want any more.

And, btw...every time Hillary talks about her plan to make a plan to begin to plan to withdraw troops from Iraq within her first 60 days, all I want to do is scream. So, voting to authorize the war in Iraq was not a mistake, but you're going to withdraw troops anyway? And stop implying that because I oppose your gas tax sop that I'm an elitist "egghead," you Yalie.