What Amendment One would do to families

Right now in North Carolina, if a couple lives together and one beats up the other, the abused partner can be assured that the abuser will be jailed for 48 hours and an order of protection issued. This doesn’t happen with a non-domestic case of assault; it’s something the state has wisely done because domestic violence is different from non-domestic violence. Both partners are protected, even if they’re not married.

That will change if Amendment One passes next week. This get-out-the-conservative-vote tactic may be disguised as a ban on same-sex marriage (which is already illegal in North Carolina anyway), but it’s so poorly worded that it will have all kinds of additional consequences. “Marriage between one man and one woman is the only domestic legal union that shall be valid or recognized in this state” is how it reads. That simple sentence blithely undoes dozens of laws and customs, and will arguably impact heterosexual couples as much or more than gay couples.

For instance, what happens to the domestic partner benefits already in place for employees of several municipal governments and private companies? Millions of North Carolinians are about to have everything from their health insurance to their veterans benefits stripped away, just because some genius in the Legislature doesn’t know how to write.

It gets worse. There’s a couple I know – they’re in a relationship after both got out of awful marriages, and they want to get married some day but they aren’t there yet. Each has children from the previous marriages, who all live with the couple; they’ve been a household for years. The woman, let’s call her Eve, her ex is a piece of work (being polite here). And the man, let’s call him Adam, his ex is a major flake, one of these people who can’t remember to put gas in the tank even when the fuel light’s been on half an hour. If Adam gets hit by a truck the day after Amendment One goes into effect, Eve has zero legal say in what happens to Adam’s kids. They get shipped off to another state, ripped out of their school and away from the only family they’ve known for most of their lives. The same thing would happen to Eve’s kids if it’s her who gets hit by that truck, only now her kids live with their good for nothing (again, being polite) bio-father. Why? Because marriage is the only legal domestic union recognized by the state.

Here’s another couple I know. They’re both in their 70s, both married to others before their current relationship. He’s divorced, she’s a widow. In fact, her late husband had an excellent pension, which she’ll lose if she ever remarries. They couldn’t live and take care of themselves if they legally married and lost Frankie’s pension benefits. So, Frankie and Johnny here (sorry, I’m terrible at coming up with names) have been living together for more than a decade, as husband and wife in every way but on paper. But, she’s not in the best health. Post-Amendment One, here’s what would happen if Frankie got seriously ill: Johnny wouldn’t have legal standing to make decisions about her care; her adult children would. If her adult children don’t like Johnny, they can keep him from even visiting her in the hospital. If Frankie dies before Johnny, he’s not legally entitled to inherit her estate. He wouldn’t even be able to stay in their house, because it’s in Frankie’s name. He’d lose access to bank accounts or credit cards that were in her name. Why? Because marriage is the only legal domestic union recognized by the state.

The thing is, both of the above situations are things that same-sex couples face every day in states that – like North Carolina – prohibit same-sex marriage. Amendment One would take things even further, barring civil unions for gays and stripping rights from heterosexual couples who’ve taken them for granted. Regardless of how you feel about same-sex marriage, you have to acknowledge that Amendment One is almost reckless in its impact on any number of existing statutes. If it passes, our state will be in court for years. More seriously, individuals and families all over North Carolina will suffer. And for what?