Now I know how Arizona feels.
On May 8, my home state voted to okay a constitutional
amendment stating that the only domestic union that the state will recognize is
marriage between one man and one woman. Our state’s foundational document now
bans not just marriage between same sex couples, but any civil union between
any couple.
And this sucks. It sucks for my friends and colleagues
who will be directly impacted. It sucks that this happened because a majorityof the 20 percent of registered voters who actually voted are allowed by law to
strip basic rights away from families that they don’t even know. It sucks that
the people who caused so much anguish this month did so because they think
Jesus told them to, or worse, because they didn’t understand what they were
voting for. It sucks that now, when you Google “same sex marriage laws by
state,” North Carolina is on the list of 30 with statutes or constitutional
amendments outlawing same sex marriage.
Most of all, it sucks that the actions of a few now
represent our state in front of the entire world. I can remember talking with a
friend back during the 2008 election and learning for the first time that ours
was the only state in the South without the Bigot Amendment, and I remember
being proud of this (even though we still had statutes barring same sex
marriage). I remember a few months ago warning that, if we passed Amendment
One, it would damage North Carolina’s reputation.
Well, in the least satisfying instance of “I told you so”
ever, I can report that I was right. In the days after the primary election,
people went so far as to call for the Democratic National Convention to be
moved from Charlotte this September to punish the state. On that Friday’s
edition of “Real Time With Bill Maher,” the always fair and nuanced host*
referenced Billy Graham’s pro-Amendment ads in 14 newspapers throughout the
state by saying, “North Carolina has 14 newspapers?”
AND THIS SUCKS. Because not only am I pissed off by the
neighbors, classmates and co-workers who are on the other side, now I’m just as
pissed off at some of the people who are ostensibly on the same side.
Seriously. I don’t remember Florida getting this much crap, or Georgia or any
of the other states who’ve voted this BS into their constitutions. On one hand,
we can take this as some sort of twisted compliment, that the rest of the
country thought we here in N.C. were among the sane, and so they’re that much
more disillusioned that we of all people could fall for this.
But on the other hand, I’m far past over the Idiot HomophobicMinister of the Day going viral. Not just him – that should go without saying –
but the reaction to him. “What do you expect from North Carolina?” is exactly
NOT what any of us needs to hear.
“Why did this happen in 2012 and not in 2004 when every
other state was doing it?” would be a productive question to ask. (Answer:
because the national Democratic Party fracked off in 2010 and let the Koch
Brothers wing of the GOP take a majority in the state house for the first time
in more than a century.) “Why did the previously so-well-organized state Democratic
Party let this BS end up on a ballot without a contested Democratic presidential
primary in the first place?” (Because they’re head-in-ass morons.)
The passage of Amendment One was a political failure for
North Carolina, not a moral one. North Carolina isn’t Mississippi circa 1964.
We’re Florida circa 2000. We’re a swing state. We’ve been identified as
obtainable ground for the most organized of conservative agendas. And the
single worst thing that the rest of the country can do is turn their backs.
So, all y’all thinking and writing “North Carolina, ugh,
I would NEVER live there” – congratulations, you’re part of the problem. You might
as well have voted for Amendment One, because you sure as hell aren’t doing
much to remedy it. We’re not a punch line, or click-bait for your blog. We are
living this every day. And if you truly care about equality, then what North
Carolina needs is your recommitment, not your disdain.
And I’m going to try really hard not to pick on Arizona
again. Because this feeling sucks.
*(Side rant…PROFANITY ALERT… fuck off, Bill Maher. Really.)
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