Sandusky and silence

I’ve been trying not to follow the Jerry Sandusky trial, which went to the jury this week, too closely. I read way too much about the charges when the grand jury report first came out, and I don’t really want to know anything else until the jury comes back (hopefully) with a guilty verdict.

But I did see that one of Sandusky’s adopted sons has now come forward saying that the former Penn State defensive coordinator also molested him. The Sandusky case appears to be what inspired this Jezebel post about why victims of sexual abuse or assault don’t report it, immediately or ever – by RAINN’s estimate, less than half of these cases are ever reported to law enforcement.

People who don’t have a lot of experience with this usually respond to that stat by slapping their foreheads, because how can the cops go after a rapist or molester if the victim never says anything? I know that because I used to be one of them, until I was raped. It's just not that simple.

Unfortunately, reporting a sexual assault doesn’t really solve anything most of the time. Also according to RAINN, of those 40ish percent of rapes reported, only about 5 percent will result in a felony conviction. In my case, it took the cops in BFE, Virginia, almost three months to question Asshat in person (that’s his official name now, btw), and another two to get around to informing me they weren’t going to prosecute him. But they really encouraged me to spend my own money to go after him in civil court, which was super helpful.

I came forward without any illusions that Asshat would wind up in prison for what he did. My best case scenario was that I’d get it on the record, so if he did this again at least the investigating officers would know he had a track record. When the Commonwealth Attorney in Washington County told me they weren’t going forward with my case, what was devastating wasn’t that I wouldn’t get justice; it was knowing that Asshat could pull the same thing a week later and the officer investigating that case would have no idea that he’d done this before.

And at least I didn’t have to deal with friends and acquaintances gossiping, speculating as to which of us was more credible. And at least I was an adult, not a frightened kid who’s not sure whom it’s safe to trust. At least I know for a fact that I did everything I could to keep this from happening to someone else – it was the system that caved. It's awful that the entire system of catching this type of criminal puts so much responsibility on people who are often too fragile to handle it.

But, that said, if something like this happened to me again, I don’t know what I’d do. On one hand, I want to tell anyone who’s been sexually abused or assaulted to tell someone… but I know that I’m basically telling them to buy a scratch-off lottery ticket.

At least Jerry Sandusky’s going to jail. Sometimes that ticket hits, I guess.