The female Kasey Kahne

They call this driver a natural-born racer ... but for the first chunk of the driver's career in the "big leagues," the "racer" seemed like a better fit for Madison Avenue than for Victory Lane. It used to be that a race car driver had to pick up fans the old-fashioned way - winning - before the big bucks started rolling in. For ever person in the garage who raved about the driver's talent, three more in the stands gushed over how the driver filled out a fire suit.

There's a reason I'm avoiding gender pronouns here. I could be talking about NASCAR's Kasey Kahne, or I could be talking about Indy Racing League's Danica Patrick. Or I could be talking about both of them.

Patrick won her first IRL race Sunday, becoming the first woman to do so (after previously becoming the first woman to score a top-five in the Indy 500 in her rookie season). It's her fourth season, but only her fiftieth start, thanks to IRL's wussy short season. Kahne won at Richmond in his second series in the Whateverthey'recallingittoday Cup Series, but it was actually his forty-sixth start.

Obviously, merely being able to finish a race in either series is an accomplishment, let alone winning. So I really don't want to sound like I'm denigrating either driver's talent. No one who's ever watched them would do that.

But ... both Patrick and Kahne are, to me anyway, symptomatic of a worsening problem in pro racing - particularly NASCAR - that emphasizes flash over substance. It drove me batsh*t crazy back during Kahne's rookie year when he was regularly treated like he was on the same level as past champions Jeff Gordon or Tony Stewart, when he had yet to win a single race. And don't even get me started on those creepy Allstate commercials...

[Except to say, I don't care how much money they're paying you, Kasey. WTF were you thinking when you did this? If your contract says you must humiliate yourself to this extent, then buddy, you need a new contract.]

And speaking of gross and creepy, remember the ad Patrick did for GoDaddy.com that was so off the rails they wouldn't even air it during the Super Bowl? As long as I'm still living on the same planet where that happened, I don't want to hear a single person accuse me of selling out the sisterhood. Danica, you don't get to pull that crap and then complain that the boys don't take you seriously.

Because, if the comments from other IRL drivers are any indication, it sounds like they do. Sure, Robby Gordon may bitch that your car is lighter than his, but he bitches about everything. He's Robby Gordon. Besides, have you seen him lately? Dude, whose car isn't lighter than Robby Gordon's?

But, two things - a) NASCAR has a weight restriction in every one of its series, IIRC. If the heaviest driver weighs 250 lbs., then the driver who weighs 150 lbs. has to add 100 lbs. of weight to his car. (If you can stash the extra poundage on the right side, all the better.) That increased downforce in corners has jack to do with the "car of tomorrow" - it's all thanks to Tony Stewart and his momma's cooking, mark my words. ;)

Second ... how often did you ever hear Jackie Robinson complain publicly about the crap he had to put up with as the first, and most prominent African American in Major League Baseball? I'm not saying Patrick should be a good little girl and just take it when ass-hats like former Formula One CEO Bernie Ecclestone call her and other women "appliances."

But the best way to quiet people like that is to let your performance speak for itself. Leave it on the track. Not your GoDaddy blog. You want to shut me up? Keep winning.

That goes for you, too, Kasey. And for the love of all that is holy, run over those Allstate stalker-chicks, will you?

UPDATE: Yes, I saw Gene Wojciechowski's column the other day on ESPN.com. And no, I didn't really care. He misses the point. Of course I have a certain measure of respect for anyone who straps herself or himself into a race car. But if winning doesn't matter, then what the hell is the point? The parallel he tries to draw between Patrick and Kansas coach Bill Self is totally fallacious - he's equating an NCAA men's tournament championship with a single frakin' IRL win. Not buying it. Sorry.

Your straw man's got a gimpy leg, Gene.