"Law & Order" rules

I have to warn you that I'm still processing Gawker's decision to post an anonymous account from a guy who claims that Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell got drunk and hooked up with him at a Halloween party three years ago, so what I'm about to write may be pretty disjointed, and I may change my mind about it later. Gawker's gotten some criticism, but they stand by their report.

At first I was on the "that's not fair" side, but...

As I've been saying since the op-ed I wrote for my high school newspaper back in 1998, I could not possibly care less about the private life of an elected official or, in this case, someone running for office, as long as that private life doesn't affect the job that person's been hired to do. Politician cheats on his wife? Sleazy, and not someone I'd want to date my sister. But unless the cheating opens said politician up to, say, blackmail charges that could sway his/her votes on legislation, I don't care. I. Dont. Care.

But there's one area where we run into problems, and that's where politicians who sell themselves as "values" based but then turn out to be hypocrites. The problem is that conservatives rightly wonder why a Republican Congressman who gets caught cheating on his wife or buying hookers gets raked over the coals, but a Democratic politician doesn't. It seems like a double standard. But it isn't.

That's because some politicians base their qualifications for office on experience, and some base it on what church they attend. Some voters choose a candidate based on a past record, and some on which one prays better in public. And if you're a so-called values voter, you're setting yourself up for heartbreak.

It's what I think of as "Law & Order" rules. On seemingly every other episode, some perp exposes himself on the stand by spouting off some ludicrous, easily contradicted statement like "I would NEVER do (fill in the blank)," which gets the DA all excited and usually allows him/her to say something like, "Oh REALLY? Like that guy you chopped into 37 pieces and hid in your closet?" - which of course HAD been inadmissable for one reason or another until the defendant opened the door. The defendant's attorney objects, and the DA always says the same thing - it goes to credibility, Your Honor.

When you're a conservative who virulently opposes gay marriage and then you get caught going on vacation with a gay escort, it goes to credibility. When you're a Senate candidate whose "issues" webpage is only one page because your entire candidacy is based on your "Christian" morality, and then you get drunk and fool around with some guy you just met, it goes to credibility.

No double standard here - if an environmentalist social justice Democrat got caught on camera beating a homeless person with a baby seal, you'd better believe that mess would be all over CNN. Why do you think conservatives keep going on about how much power Al Gore's house uses?

Here's what the Newt Gingriches and the Larry Craigs and the Sarah Palins and the rest have never figured out: if you make your private life a qualification for office, voters and media types alike are obligated to vet it just as if you were running on your legislative record. Say what you want about Bill Clinton, but the man knew better than to make his morality a campaign issue.

Of course, it helped that he had an actual record to use instead.