I actually started writing this late last summer, but never got around to posting it. Now, with it being the coldest weekend of the winter, I feel like I could use a little evocation of summer. And nothing makes me think “summer” like that great original American art form, the road picture. Not every film portraying travel is a true “road picture” – you’ve got to combine a physical journey with an emotional one.
“The Sugarland Express” (1974)
Who’s driving (and riding): Lou Dean (Goldie Hawn) and Clovis Poplin (the ass-hat TV reporter from “Die Hard”) and the cop they kidnap along the way
Actual miles: Unknown; From somewhere in Texas to Sugar Land, where Lou Dean and Clovis’s child has been placed in foster care.
What we learn: If you’re a pair of ex-cons trying to demonstrate to the authorities – especially in Texas – that you’re a responsible parent, taking a police officer hostage is probably not your best tactic. Also, Steven Spielberg’s pre-“Jaws” feature is really underrated.
“Thelma and Louise” (1991)
Who’s driving (and riding): The aforementioned Thelma (Geena Davis) and Louise (Susan Sarandon), both of whom earned Oscar nominations
Actual miles: Somewhere in Arkansas to the Grand Canyon, via Oklahoma, in a ’66 Thunderbird.
What we learn: The Law cares more about catching people who wax rapists than catching the rapists themselves. It’s possible for a film with two substantive, non-20-year-old female leads to earn both critical acclaim and box office success. Harvey Keitel can play a not-creepy character who does not at any point whip out his wang. That Brad Pitt guy (in his first big Hollywood role) might have something.
“Y tu mama tambien” (2001)
Who’s driving (and riding): horny teenagers Tenoch (Diego Luna) and Julio (Gael Garcia Bernal) and Tenoch’s suspiciously hedonistic cousin Luisa (Maribel Verdu)
Actual miles: Mexico City to a Boca de Cielo, a remote mythical beach on the Pacific shore
What we learn: If you are a horny teenage boy, and your insanely hot older female cousin volunteers to go on a road trip to a beach no one’s ever heard of, then proceeds to seduce you and your friend, it’s probably not because you’re a super-stud. Also, I frakking LOVE Alfonso Cuaron.
“Little Miss Sunshine” (2006)
Who’s driving (and riding): The mother of all dysfunctional families, including the unemployed suicidal gay Proust-scholar uncle, the emo mute brother, the barely holding it together parents, the pervert grandpa and the oblivious wannbe beauty queen daughter.
Actual miles: somewhere in California to somewhere else in California. It feels longer because they’re driving a VW bus (which tops out at like 50 m.p.h.) that’s dropped a gear, necessitating many comical roll-starts.
What we learn: how to roll start a VW bus. Lots about Proust (loved Steve Carrell). Random stuff about the job qualifications for the Air Force. And of course, that family is everything. Even really weird family.
“Badlands” (1973)
Who’s driving (and riding): Sissy Spacek and Martin Sheen, as teen lovers inspired by the real-life Starkweather murder spree.
Actual miles: All over the upper mid-west/Rockies area, because the irrational psychopath is driving, minus an interlude where director Terrance Malick explores the living-in-the-woods idyll he’d go back to with “The New World”.
What we learn: voice-overs can work when done right. If your in-charge boyfriend insists that you must use your only mode of transportation to crash into live cows for food in order to save ammunition, but then later shoots a football to deflate it, there might be something wrong with him. (Especially if he already killed your dad and burned down your house.)
“Smokey and the Bandit” (1977)
Who’s driving (and riding): Burt Reynolds as a latter-day bootlegger/cowboy, Sally Field as a runaway bride he picks up along the way and Jerry Reed as the trucker who really does the dirty work. (And also a dog.)
Actual miles: Georgia to the Arkansas line and back.
What we learn: Lots of CB radio slang. That Coors beer was once a delicacy. That the mid-70s anti-establishmentarianism (Southern redneck version) consisted of more than Lynyrd Skynyrd and Jimmy Carter’s election. And that despite having what Field called the worst script she’d ever read, a movie can be hellacious fun.
“Duel” (1971)
Who’s driving: Dennis Weaver as an anonymous, put-upon businessman in an uncharacteristically badass muscle car.
Actual miles: Again, somewhere in California to somewhere else in California, including numerous side trips to shake the psychotic trucker who dogs Weaver’s every move.
What we learn: Steven Spielberg – Knows. His. Shit.
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